We know that forgiveness is something that God requires of us. The bible tells us to forgive our brothers even seventy times seven.
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18: 21-22
There seems to be no limit to the number of times we are expected to forgive. Forgiveness is so important that Jesus pointed out that giving forgiveness is a prerequisite to receiving forgiveness.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15
It would be fair to deduce that our very salvation depends on our ability to forgive.
Yet, if you have ever had to forgive anyone who had caused you significant hurt and pain you know that forgiveness is easier said than done. If we are honest with ourselves, I am sure we can all share our own personal stories of struggles with forgiving. It is easier to forgive someone who is sorry for the wrong that they have done, especially if that person openly shows remorse and tries to make amends. However, how do you forgive someone who is not sorry, someone who has no intention of making amends or changing.
I can share from experience that this is not an easy task. While seeking to heal from the years of childhood abuse at the hands of my father, I soon realised that the Holy Spirit was trying to lead me towards forgiving him. I did not take this very well. It made me even more angry and bitter than I already was. I mean, how could God even ask such a thing? He knew the things that my father had done. He knew the pain and suffering I had endured and most of all my dad was not even sorry. He had not once said sorry or apologised. It felt like God was punishing me all over again for something that was not my fault. Almost like he was choosing my father over me.
It took years of being stuck in a cycle of pain and bitterness to finally come to the understanding that forgiveness was actually a gift from God to me.
Forgiving someone who has hurt you is not for that person alone but most of all it is for you. It is impossible to fully access the blessings and peace of God if we hold anger and bitterness in our hearts. The scriptures advise us to put aside anger and strife and to reconcile with our brothers before giving our offerings to God. (Colossians 3:8, Matthew 5:23-24)
Forgiveness is a gift from God to us. It is God asking us to trust him with the pain of our hurt; to give him the heavy burden we carry in exchange for his joy and peace.
It’s to free us and to restore us to his original plan for our lives. Unforgiveness is heavy stuff. Anger, hatred and pain affects our emotional, psychological and physical health. We can’t truly be free to enjoy deep fellowship with the Lord and live under his blessings if our hearts carry unforgiveness.
Giving such deep forgiveness often takes time but it is possible. Remember that Jesus has given us the perfect example, even while he was on the cross he forgave those who had put him there. Recently I was reading the Acts and the story of Stephen really touched my heart so deeply. It had me thinking about true forgiveness, how it is given from a place of love in Christ even to those who are undeserving. We are also undeserving of God’s forgiveness (we all have sinned). Yet we only have to ask.
And they stoned Stephen, calling upon God, and saying, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he fell asleep. Acts 7: 59 – 60.
If the Lord and Stephen can forgive those responsible for their deaths then we can forgive those who hurt us.
Here are a few tips to help you forgive.
- Make the decision to forgive. You will never forgive someone until you make the decision to forgive them. Deciding to forgive is half the battle won.
- Ask God to help you forgive.
- Read scriptures about forgiveness and repentance. The word of God has a powerful way of transforming the heart and lighting our way. It will reveal our heart and give us the tools we need to forgive.
- Start praying prayers of blessings and goodness over the person who wish to forgive. The bible encourages us to love and bless our enemies. (Matthew 5: 43- 48) It’s hard to remain angry at someone when we truly start to pray for them, allowing the spirit to make intercession through us.
- It helps to remember that we ourselves are not perfect but we all have sinned and come short. Truly reflecting on God’s love and grace towards us even in our sinful state will enable us to show grace to others.
I know that being faced with the need to forgive great hurt can feel uncomfortable and unfair. But remember that you cannot begin to heal until you learn to forgive. More than anything else, forgiveness is for your benefit. It will free you and allow you to move forward. It will ease your pain and restore your joy and peace again. If you have been hurt, I pray that you will find the freedom that forgiveness allows. I have personally benefited from the healing that comes when we forgive those who hurt us. I really believe that the Lord in his wisdom created forgiveness as a gift for us.
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